Clean in deed

Yesterday morning I had a shower, washed hair, then did my face.

This morning I washed my face again and put on makeup; last night I took the day's wear off before bed (altho' I did force myself to stay up, did let wanting to go to bed have any influence, unlike Monday night when I was asleep before midnight). And both days I cleaned my teeth.

Haven't been both clean and made up two successive days since I first got back, January. (Henry's come down off the top of my monitor and is looking at me.)

There is a potential subsequent writing about how I live with myself, the role of Self Control in My World and such. Feels like it would be useful to put it into words - and Henry's curious. (He's so self contained, understated other than being really yellow and never aging.) (And having such black eyes.)

But first, before I do any work or loose the impetus, I want to record my alarm at successive days of cleaning face. No, rather it's alarm at becoming aware of that and the other items of positivity I blogged last night.

I really like Positive Self - clean, made-up and looking like an adult professional woman (I almost always interact like one at work). I like having a clean attractive house, clean undented car; tidy desks, work and home. I like being cheerful, not depressed. (Other than 'manic', what's the natural opposite of 'depressed'?)

The behaviours to achieve these things cannot however be forced - if I try that I stumble big-time. The danger in being aware of little positive activities is that I get excited about the possibility of a real swing in that direction, adding more and more - achieving all those cleanlinesses in the last paragraph, and maybe more! I start thinking about how to do it, and that becomes a forcing, and my nails would go back to splitting in a week or two... (I took vitamins today too.)

I need to leave my thinking out of it, not make plans, and let myself continue to emerge.

Henry thinks I'm a little wierd.