Night terrors

I've gotten up very quietly, so as not to disturb Henry. Unlike the alarming noise-makers in the street outside.

While all my lights were out and I was trying to be asleep, someone - or maybe the wind, wishful thought - unhooked the prop keeping open the transom of my front window, and at the same time the rail holding up the net curtain, kept in place by the pressure of just-fitting, came down.

I heard noise, but when I looked out from above could see no-one. When I first looked down stairs at the door - nothing amiss. Only getting up now, and deciding to shut that window, did I find the noise explained. Someone else - or more wind? - now crashes around outside, it sounds like a grocery cart, up the market end of my street. It is breezy outside and that could be it.

Was someone trying to break in, or just making mischief, or just mindlessly fiddling with the first possiblity, irregularity in the surface of the buildings, first opening, they came across?

Meanwhile, I have internal terrors, around loss of control of everything from my body to my work to my finances. That will be some astrological phase, passing. I am susceptible, and sometimes it comes like this. My breathing is too shallow, I've made my heart weak by not exercising it, my bowels, well, they've been loose, at the best, for a year or more. Hoodia does stop me feeling hungry and some days I eat little. Some days I even drink little! But as soon as scales say 2 pounds down, I discover that my eating needn't relate to hunger at all. Where's the pill that gives hugs?

Yesterday, the re-negotiated due-date, I turned in a Requirements Statement, after days of dealing with dreaded details. In the vacuum, today, I mind-mapped changes consequent to my project, and an initial outline of options. J the boss, er, Sponsor, spring-boarded off my work into a framework of required costings. I'll have them next week, yes?

I should have had them already... if I were worth the spicy salt I'm paid. And I think of trying for a serious job in Louisville! (That project's well behind, eh?)

Will that same salt spread to debt, mortgages, investment opportunities? And a wine-tasting next week? Could I live on whatever pension I might be getting?

Well. Better for writing it out. And for explaining to B earlier this evening what coming back to the UK has felt like: Like, in Louisville I was sort of going bare-foot, and the old shoes I left in the UK just didn't fit right when I tried to slip back into them. My feet are mostly UK-shaped again now, but... I am wearing sandals a lot.

My pipes haven't been out of the box for two months. I have no idea how the new ones are progressing. I hardly even listen to music.

But my opinion of my ability as a photographer improves. I have the Google Desktop bar, and the Photos section cycles thru all my zillion (less than a Brazilian...) pictures, and often I glance up and, the picture looks really good! I've just this evening opened a Flickr account and uploaded 6 pics from April in North Carolina. I guess I'll learn how to use the facilities in time. Shame Yahoo don't offer a Flickr tutorial (or maybe I'll find it...).

Henry says I'm rambling now, and he's right so I'll quit.